A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the state lottery!"

Martha replies, "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

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"Coffee is for closers." -- Glengarry GlenRoss

Hahaha nice one. Well here is one from me.

A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone got pissed and the bride's and groom's families had a storming rage and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other.

The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court.

The fight continues in the court room until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court."

The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."

The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand.

Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the Bride.

The judge says "OK."

"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song... when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

The judge instantly responded... "God. that must have hurt!"

Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my damn fingers!"

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thats one joke thats us guy high fiving each other Al Bundy style. I gotta remember that one when i get get married.

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